


Don't Give Up

by CheyRain



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Apple Pie Life, Bittersweet, Cas loves Dean, Cas won't let Dean give up, Dean Tries, Dean is depressed, Domestic Dean, F/M, M/M, Mentions of Suicidal Thoughts, Sam In Cage, Songfic, angsty
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-29
Updated: 2016-06-29
Packaged: 2018-07-18 23:16:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,380
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7334884
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CheyRain/pseuds/CheyRain
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Don't give up<br/>'cos you have friends<br/>Don't give up<br/>You're not beaten yet<br/>Don't give up<br/>I know you can make it good</p><p>After Sam sacrificed himself, Dean has a hard time adjusting. He falls into depression and Cas is all that keeps him holding on.</p><p>Song is Don't Give Up by Peter Gabriel and Kate Bush.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Don't Give Up

**Author's Note:**

> This story was inspired by a comment by Evangeline74.

In this proud land we grew up strong  
We were wanted all along  
I was taught to fight, taught to win  
I never thought I could fail

Dean had always been a soldier. Even when he was a child, he'd been a soldier, a true warrior. He'd fought so hard and now Sammy's gone. He'd been so sure they could do it, so sure they could win and now, now he was broken. Sam was gone and he wasn't coming back.

No fight left or so it seems  
I am a man whose dreams have all deserted  
I've changed my face, I've changed my name  
But no-one wants you when you lose

He'd spent most of his life pretending to be someone else. Always he took on new names, trying to fit in and not raise suspicion.

What's even the point anymore?

Don't give up  
'cause you have friends  
Don't give up  
You're not beaten yet  
Don't give up  
I know you can make it good

"Dean."

"Cas. What are you doing here?" Dean's voice was dead, defeated.

"You're giving up."

"Well, no fucking shit, Sherlock!"

"My name is not Sherlock, Dean, and you should not be giving up."

"What do I even have, Cas? What reason do I have for not giving up now? Huh? Sammy's worse than  _dead,_ Cas. That wasn't supposed to happen. It was supposed to be-" He stopped, turning away from the angel.

"It was supposed to be....what, Dean? You? That would have destroyed your brother."

"Yeah, well it destroyed him anyways, didn't it? He's fucking trapped with them. He's fucking stuck with your fucking brothers for the rest of fucking eternity." He swore angrily, eyes stinging although he wouldn't let tears fall. Couldn't.

"I am sorry for that, Dean, but you still can't give up. We can find a way."

"How? If we let him out then your brothers get out and that's the end of all humanity. Sammy wouldn't want that."

Cas just sighed sadly before leaving, gone in an instant. Dean wiped his hand over his eyes before going back inside to Lisa and Ben.

Though I saw it all around  
Never thought that I could be affected  
Thought that we'd be last to go  
It is so strange the way things turn

"You know, I thought based on all we know, all that we'd been taught, that we would make it through this fight." Dean said casually from where he stood next to the garage. He couldn't go in.

"I thought you didn't expect to live to old age." Cas spoke up from where he stood behind him.

"Not old age, no. But I'd figure we'd just make it to tomorrow." He looked back at Cas who flinched at the pain in Dean's eyes. "I raised him, you know? He was practically my kid. I mean he was my brother, but he was also my kid, and I was just so fucking proud of him." He looked away, tears in his eyes.

Cas walked forward, putting a hand on Dean's shoulder. "Just please don't give up, Dean."

"I promised Sammy I wouldn't, didn't I?"

Drove the night toward my home  
The place that I was born, on the lakeside  
As daylight broke, I saw the earth  
The trees had burned down to the ground

"Hey, stranger." Dean tried to smile at Cas but it turned to a grimace. "I, uh, went home last weekend. I went by and saw Lawrence, saw the old house. It was darker, kind of. Not literally, but it felt darker." He paused before he continued, his voice breaking. "I'm the last one left, Cas. There's nobody but me."

Cas moved forward, pulling Dean into his arms. Dean just clung to him, sobbing into his shoulder.

"I'm here, Dean. I won't ever let you be alone."

Don't give up  
You still have us  
Don't give up  
We don't need much of anything  
Don't give up  
'cause somewhere there's a place  
Where we belong  
Rest your head  
You worry too much  
It's going to be alright  
When times get rough  
You can fall back on us  
Don't give up  
Please don't give up

"You ever feel weird walking among humans who don't know?" Dean asked him the next time Cas showed up.

"I'm not sure what you mean."

"Like, none of them know. None of them know what's been sacrificed for them. My brother is prob-probably being tortured right now because he was brave. Brave enough to sacrifice himself to keep them alive. They have no idea."

"No, Dean, they don't. But Sam would have wanted it this way."

"I keep thinking, 'I want to go home. I want to go home.' but home doesn't exist anymore. Home was Sammy, and Dad, and the Impala." He let out a shaky breath. "I can't even look at the damn car anymore, Cas. 'Cause I keep looking for him and he's not there. He won't be there."

This time he moved and met Cas as he hugged him. "One day you will find home, Dean. I promise. I have you now and I'm here. I am so so sorry about your brother. Please don't give up."

"I don't know how much longer I can keep going."

Got to walk out of here  
I can't take any more  
Going to stand on that bridge  
Keep my eyes down below  
Whatever may come  
And whatever may go  
That river's flowing  
That river's flowing

He stood at the edge of the bridge, ready to go, ready to die. He couldn't keep doing this. He couldn't keep feeling this.

He tried Apple Pie. It didn't suit him. He loved Lisa and Ben, but it hurt so much because they didn't know, they didn't understand. How could they possibly understand?

"Please don't, Dean." Of course he was there.

"I can't do this, Cas."

"I'm going to find a way to save your brother, Dean. I'm going to get him out."

"You know, I heard once that if you jump from a certain height that water if roughly the equivalent of concrete."

"Dean, please." Cas was pleading, begging.

"Sammy was actually the one to tell me that. That kid, he always knew something, always had some 'fun' fact. Morbid ass shit." He laughed, a bitter laugh.

"Dean, please come here." Cas's voice was breaking a bit.

Dean sighed and stepped back, sagging into Cas's chest when he grabbed him. He leaned his head back on Cas's shoulder.

Cas was shaking, crying into his neck.

"Please don't make me lose you." He whispered. Dean turned around to face Cas and leaned forward, kissing him.

He just wanted the pain to go away.

Cas clung to him, kissing him back desperately. "I love you, Dean. I can't stand to lose you. Please don't make me feel that."

"Ok, Cas. I won't, not for now."

Moved on to another town  
Tried hard to settle down  
For every job, so many men  
So many men no-one needs

He went back to Lisa and Ben. He still shared desperate kisses with Cas when he showed up, trying to distract himself.

He got better at acting. Pretending he liked the Apple Pie.

Fucking Apple Pie.

 

Don't give up  
'cause you have friends  
Don't give up  
You're not the only one  
Don't give up  
No reason to be ashamed  
Don't give up  
You still have us  
Don't give up now  
We're proud of who you are  
Don't give up  
You know its never been easy  
Don't give up  
'cause I believe there's a place  
There's a place where we belong

Eventually Sammy came back. He was broken at first but he got better. Dean didn't tell him what happened. Didn't share how much life hurt him.

He lost Lisa and Ben.

Oh they were fine, but they didn't know him. Didn't know anything about him.

They were better off. He didn't belong with them.

He now spent every night curled up in Cas's arms, kissing him desperately. He still struggled to forget bad things, and he still thought to the bridge, but not as much. Not now that Sammy was back, and whole.

"Thank you, Cas. Thank you for not letting me give up." He whispered one night, before they drifted off.

 


End file.
